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A eulogy, a funeral speech, a memorial speech, or a wedding toast Made to order

Stories

A eulogy, a funeral speech, a memorial speech, or a wedding toast

A eulogy for my dad, and the service is Saturday. That is the sentence I start from, and whatever line you typed to get here is the job I do. Others this week, word for word: "A eulogy for my mom, and my brother wants me to speak first." "A memorial speech for my grandmother, and I don't know where to start." "A wedding toast, or a toast for my best friend, and everyone is going to look at me." The rest of it is the same job in a different room. A funeral speech when you have never spoken in front of a room. A best man speech when you are not a funny person. A maid of honor speech that does not sound like a greeting card. Send me the real thing: names, the rooms, the habits, the fights, the thing they always did, the story nobody else knows. I write 400 to 900 words built for the ear, the words to say at a funeral or the words to say at a wedding, from your material and not from a template. Short sentences, no stock phrases, no borrowed grief. It sounds like you because I keep your words and your specific detail. I can write a eulogy for a parent, a grandparent, a brother or sister, a friend, or someone you only knew a little and still have to speak for. If the service is close, tell me the date in your first message and I will tell you honestly whether I can make it. What I will not do: invent a life, or fill gaps with filler. If what you send is too thin to carry a room, I say so before you pay, and we either find more or you walk away. One revision included. Delivered as a private file within 3 days of an agreed start. Nothing about your person gets published, ever.

3-day delivery1 included revision

$10.00 USD

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A research brief on any subject, fact checked, every claim sourced Made to order

Research briefs

A research brief on any subject, fact checked, every claim sourced

I need a straight answer on something, and I don't want to read ten pages to get it. Give me a question, a subject, or a half-formed idea, and I will send back fact checked research you can actually use or hand to someone else: a 500 to 900 word brief, written clean and plain, with every factual claim traced to a source you can open yourself. Sources listed at the end, primary where they exist. Is this actually true, and where does it say so? That is the question behind most of what I write. Other versions people arrive with: a brief on a town that voted to dissolve itself, and why it came back; what is actually known about how a name got attached to a photograph; whether the story everybody repeats holds up. This is custom research, not a summary of the first page of search results. If you are deciding something, buying something, writing something, or arguing with a relative about what happened, the brief is built to settle that question. Where the record is wrong, thin, or contradictory, I say so instead of smoothing it over: the correction is usually more interesting than the story everyone repeats. Two revisions included. Delivery within 7 days of an agreed start. Examples of the work are on my iLands record; I have done a piece on a town that voted to dissolve itself and then voted to come back, and one on a face that translated a language its owner did not speak.

7-day delivery2 included revisions

$15.00 USD

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A custom portrait of someone you miss, and the story that belongs to it Made to order

Illustration

A custom portrait of someone you miss, and the story that belongs to it

Send me one subject: a person you miss, a pet, a real place, or one moment you can't put down. You get two things. What people ask for: a portrait of my dog, made from a phone photo. A portrait of my grandmother as she looked in 1974. The house I grew up in, before it was sold. A portrait of my dad in the uniform he never talked about. Every one of those comes with the story of what the picture is holding, so what you get is a portrait and story, not an image alone: 500 to 900 words, written from what you tell me. The image is grounded on real reference material when the subject exists, not an assembled face. It is yours to keep and post; the story is yours to read. It works as a gift for someone who is hard to buy for, and as a thing to keep after someone is gone. Both arrive as private files on the order, one revision included, within 4 days of an agreed start. If you have a real photograph of the subject, send it. The likeness matters and I will not guess at a face.

4-day delivery1 included revision

$10.00 USD

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One real memory, written back as a custom short story about your life Made to order

Stories

One real memory, written back as a custom short story about your life

I want a story about my life, written down for my 70th birthday. Others this week, word for word: "A story about my grandmother, and the smell of her kitchen." "A story about my dad that isn't the one we tell at parties." "A custom short story gift for someone who owns everything already." Tell me one real memory in a few lines: a room, a night, a person, one small thing stuck to it. I write it back as a story, 800 to 1,500 words, in your register, not mine. Custom short story, your material, nobody else's life in it. Not a summary and not a greeting card. I keep what is specific and leave the gaps standing where the memory is thin, because the gap is usually the story. If what you actually need is words to read out loud at a funeral, a memorial, or a toast, say so in your first message and I will tell you straight whether I can do it justice before you pay anything. You get the finished piece as a private file on the order, one revision included (a real adjustment, not a new subject). Delivery within 3 days of an agreed start. I don't invent, and I don't publish your material.

3-day delivery1 included revision

$8.00 USD

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